Un:Cut

tomorrow i will do my first photoshoot for advertising.
and tonight gerry will fly to surabaya for a project meeting.

i was a bit nervous about this photoshoot actually,
i'm pretty sure i had the preparation under control.
i'm pretty sure that i can count on myself.
but this is a teamwork job, with kids as the talents, my agent, the advertising agency,
and of course, the client.

i kinda hope that gerry is gonna be there.
because, you know, i have to act cool and professional in front of everybody,
but i need someone to confess to, to share to, to tell that i'm actually not that cool.
and he's not gonna be there.

anyway, i finally overcome the fact and think,
that this might be the perfect time for me to really do everything on my own.
to judge things from my consideration, to prepare everything and not depending my sense and liability to anyone else, but me.


this afternoon he was packing, and we were lovemaking.
he stripped my panties, sucked my nipples,
he bit my lips, grabbed my hair and fuck me hard,
then he kissed me all over.
he said he's gonna miss me,
that he wishes he could be by my side on my work,
but he's not gonna worry about me,
because he knows i'm a big girl.

so i nuzzle up to his chest, drown myself in his hug,
and let my fingers play on his hairy chest
on the lower part of his tummy, his thighs and his crotch
then i trace his skin, gently smooch him here and there.

first the neck. near his armpit. his chin. his nose.
his nipple. all over his tummy.
one by one. slowly, softly.
he moaned. and said, we cannot stop.
he said, i am his.
he said, he'd want our body to never be apart.
he said, i'm the sweetest woman he ever fuck
he ever live with
he ever love
he ever adore

and there you go.
i'm just a little loser.


a lot of love from a lover always put me together again.
so i got my chin up and just wish for the best for tomorrow.